Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
