So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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