Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
