dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
