His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
