I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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