Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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