Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
