Only a mothe r could love this liver
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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