Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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