At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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