this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
