Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
