i just wanna soil my oats bro
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
