my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
