Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
