Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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