i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
