the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
