If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
