I puked a lego.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize