found the other keg... it's in the tree
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
