hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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