Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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