I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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