I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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