i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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