dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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