Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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