Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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