Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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