i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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