i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
