Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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