what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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