My hand turned me down
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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