we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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