Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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