____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
