Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
