I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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