the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You smell like stripper and shame
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
