there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You don't make any sense
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