I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
