I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
