dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
