and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
