I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
