There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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