I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
